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8월14일..목요일 어느날씨처럼무더운날씨로가고있구나!!
얼마나더많이아파해야할까?얼마나더많은시간보내야아무렇지않은듯무덤덤해질수있을까?..어른들의부주의로빛도보여주지못한체우리아기를희생피해자됐구나...아가야!내아기!..불러도대답없고가슴을쳐봐도엎지러진물다시우리아기내아기를품을수만있다면..그땐너를보낸아빠에게말하지않고온전히엄마혼자우리아기지켜주고싶은데...너무후회스러워..
얼마나아팠을까?얼마나살려고몸부림쳤을까?..엄마배가극심히고통속에시달리면서우리아기아픔고스란히전해져우리아기에게정말죄지은업지었구나..아가야!내아기..엄마라고못나서무슨엄마가이런지..정말미안하고미안해..아기를낳고싶었는데..꼭낳아서..눈,코,입어떻게누굴닮았는지엄마처럼눈큰지아빠처럼오똑한콧날인지..도톰한입인지그하나하나생김생김놓치지않고내아기를품고싶었어...아빠란사람이원하지않아4개월동안배안에품고있으면서엄만눈물도..아픔도참많았어..아가야!..아가가엄마에게남긴흔적..사진을들여다보며많이많이울었어..사람형상다갖춘아기였는데...너무나안타깝고서글퍼져..한없이꺼져가라앉는후한의눈물만...
어떻게해야아가에게했던범했던파렴치한짓을용서빌까?..아니..엄마아빠용서하지말아줘..평생고통속보내게...아기를그렇게해놓고너희아빠란사람은엄마랑만나지말자고헤어짐고했어..아기를보낸거마저버겨움하루하루속에엄마는점점폐인이되어가는것같아...영혼의빛으로핏빛으로떠돌아다닐내아기생각하면엄마가정상이지못하겠어...우리아기보고싶어..많이보고싶어..엄마가나빴어...엄마가나빴어..지켜주지못해서..방패막이되어주지못해서....너무너무아파...우리아기다시품을수있을까?...못난엄마이지만..아기를다시품고싶어.그럼놓치지않을텐데...잘지켜줄텐데.....
아가야!내아기.......정말미안하고미안해..아프게해서미안해....엄마가따라간다면그때엄마라고부르면서품에안기지않으련...젖도물리며엄마사랑가득주고조각조각떼어진육신주지않을께...엄마라면서한번만이라도와서안겨줄수있지...그때까지외로워말며울지마아가야....엄마가면다받아줄께...........미안해미안해..용서해..용서해...
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